Speechless

This has been a crazy week. We haven't gone to school at all because of the snow and ice that seems to have taken over the Southeast. Our biggest snow months here are usually February or March and tomorrow will be the seventh day we've been out this school year and it's only mid-January. What the heck. Here is where the blog post will turn into something weird. I'm not really sure what it's going to be so I'm giving you warning if you don't want to keep reading.

Thursday just ran by and I'm still trying to decide if Sunday was a good day or not. You see, there have been a lot (and I mean A LOT) of changes in my church over the past several months, particularly in the youth group. We've got a new youth pastor and everything is run very differently than before. As much as I miss our old youth pastor, I think this guy was placed in Hendersonville for a reason and that God has his hand in it all. What I'm struggling with is how much things have changed over the last couple of years. I've spent my whole life as a part of that church and I sometimes wonder what I have to show for it. In Sunday School, our teacher asked if we felt like we have a "family" in church, more specifically the youth group and Sunday School class. I think she was expecting the majority of people to say yes. If anyone felt that they have that they didn't speak up. I don't. I've been with most of those kids my entire life and I don't  feel like we're more than strangers anymore. I'm not complaining about friendships growing apart, that's just part of life. What I hate is that everytime I walk into that room I feel like I'm walking in as a guest. Right now, it's where I feel like God wants me to be so I'm staying but it's just not the same place anymore. I feel like I'm trying to hold together a relationship that's long left the harbor. I hate that when I see the place I once called home my eyes and my heart see the same thing, a building. That's never what church was for me. Where ever the people of the church were, there was the church. Now it seems like no matter how hard I try, that place is no where to be found. I miss being able to walk in our youth lounge and be able to put not only a name but a memory with each face I saw. It seems like every new person who shows up has a great time but those of us who have spent our whole lives there just get a little a more miserable every week. This is the first time I've been able to think about this and it not poor out of me as anger or tears. I feel like I've been dropped off by my family and told to hitch hike the rest of the way home. You know that old saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Well, I'm hoping that's how all this will be. If nothing else comes out of this, I want to know that this brought me closer to God. I have no doubt that it will, I've just got to learn to be patient along the way.

I'm going to put a disclaimer on this that it's not the whole church, just the youth group and a lot of people love it. I'm asking you to please not judge the place by this. It raised me.
I was going to talk about the rest of the reasons why this week has been crazy but my brain is now consumed with the previous topic.

I'll leave you with a verse: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12. Yes, this was written by Paul, an imperfect mortal just like us, but every part of me wants to believe that these words came straight from the Lord. He identifies with us gross and imperfect humans. Wow what a God. That's a tangent for another night, though. Good night my friends.