Beautifully Broken

I've written before about Camp Hollymont, where I go in the summertime. It's a truly amazing place. I could just rant forever and ever about how crazy awesome it is, but I won't bore you with that. Instead I'll bore you with one reason why it rocks. One of the first nights I was there this year I was hanging out with a couple of counselors talking about God and such (another reason this place is cool). While I was listening to one girl tell her story it hit me that every single person there is a mess in some form or fashion. Every one of them is broken or screwed up or insecure in one way or another, and they all seem to be so okay with it. Hearing these wonderful ladies talk about their trials and the things they struggle with, always going back to God and what he's done/is doing through that is so uplifting. Witnessing that kind of faith and glory-be-to-God attitude has really stuck with me. The Lord is working through that camp, FO SHO.

How about another camp story?
I was a CIT on what we call Cardinal Hall, which is 11-12 year old girls. One night we were on the bus going to the brother camp, Rockmont, and the girls were singing. We had been singing Our God by Chris Tomlin in Morning Watch (Chapel) so they started on that one. They kept getting louder and louder so by the time they had gotten to "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us..." I had to turn around and look. My view at that point = AMAZING. 11 and 12 year old girls had their hands in the air and their eyes shut worshiping their God...on a school bus!!! That's incredible to me. I want to be as cool as them someday.

There's my stories for the night. Jesus rocks. The end.

In Love With The Map Maker

I call my God Map Maker. Why, you ask? Because He make maps. He etches out pathways and roads, open fields and dense forests literally everywhere. Don’t believe me? Look around. If I look out my kitchen window I can see a few hills, one of the main roads through Hendersonville, 3 different schools, and a church. It all had to get there somehow. Next turn to the back of a Bible or any text book. What do you find? Maps. That’s the obvious stuff though. Now look at your life. There is a road with little you, who you are today, and who you see yourself becoming. There are dirt trails that have been plodded on time and time again to bond you with your closest friends. I believe that there is a Road to Damascus in all of us as well. Somehow He makes everything come together and make sense. So I call my God Map Maker because He makes maps.

I started writing this the other day along the same lines. What it really is, I’m not sure.

Pilgrims ask who planned my course
Map Maker did without remorse
He knows my troubles and He knows my flaws
Map Maker, though, He loves them all
He saw us hurt and He saw us fall
So Map Maker climbed upon the cross
What a man Map Maker is
Now pilgrims sing because He lives


I wrote this part of the post a little while ago and just hadn't posted it until today. The rest of this is new.

I am constantly amazed at the beauty that God has created. I could just stand and stare at the pure perfection in everything he has made. The way that his touch can turn something so wretched and disgusting into unsurpassed artistry totally baffles me. The man is crazy awesome.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day! I love you and Jesus does so much more!

Broken Pieces? Check. Shameful Scars? Check.

"He's not mad at you..."

What a concept.

"...He's not disapointed..."

What an idea.

"...His grace is greater still, than all of your wrong choices..."

Wow.

"...You can come as you are, with all your broken pieces, and all your shameful scars. The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus...
You can come as you are."

There are few songs that have ever comforted me so much. I can't fully express how feel right now. I finally get it: I am loved, no matter what I do or have done. This wonderful guy, Jesus, I've been taught about all my life really does care that much for me. Where did this sudden revelation come from, you ask? A couple of good friends a.k.a. the most encouraging people I know.

Condensed version of the full story:
I was still stuggling with everything I wrote about in The F-word. My friend, Rachael, had been talking to me a lot but as hard as I tried, I just couldn't understand that I was actually loved by the King of Kings. Her prayers and constant encouragement helped me so much, but I just refused to get it. It just didn't make sense to me at all. A couple of nights ago, my friend, Megan, asked me how I was doing with everything. After we talked for a bit she told me to make a list of all the things I hated about myself, then go through and cross out each one and beside it write, "I am [blank] in Christ. He loves me." I did and let me tell you, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Sitting on my bedroom floor, writing in the back of my old English notebook because it was all I could find, God changed my life again. He came in and tore apart every doubt and flaw I had, turning me into a truly forgiven person. Being told to make that list was one of the best gifts I have ever recieved and probably ever will. I finally understand what it means to be made new in Christ. I cannot put into words what it means to me. To condense it all a little more, God is not Mr. Darcy from Pride and Predjudice, when he says to Elizabeth, "My good opinion once lost is lost forever." It took me a while to figure that out.

I'll close with a verse on this snowy afternoon in Hendersonville: "For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103: 11-12. There is a Casting Crowns song based off of this verse. I really REALLY like it.

Making a list

Now that the ship of 2010 has left the harbor, I'm making a list of stuff I want to accomplish in 2011. I don't know if I would call these new years resolutions, just a few things I think would be cool to do this year.

• Participate in National Novel Writing Month.
• Run at least two half marathons and one full.
• Participate in the Warrior Dash. There is a race in Manchester, Tennessee this year, which is not too far from home! Here's a video of the midwest course.
• Spend time with friends I rarely see but are only a couple of hours away from me.
• Get my drivers liscense.
• Put guitar chords with the songs I've written so far.
• Be a better friend, sister, daughter, and student.
• Do more mission projects.
• Learn to play piano.
• Figure out my relationship with Jesus.

I have a feeling this list is going to change as the year goes on, but this is what I've got for now!