The Ground Shakes and the Clouds Rumble

Tonight has been one of those nights, the kind when it feel like everything around me is crumbling (please excuse my over-dramatic teenager-ness). I think I've mentioned before that our church has been enduring a lot of changes lately, and another just came out tonight. I won't go into detail, that's not really why I'm writing this. Last week in Vacation Bible School, the theme verse for one of the days was Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Tonight, while I was busy having a melt down about things out of my control, God was busy reminding me to trust. I'm so glad he can see the big picture even when I refuse to look past the minute details of a single situation. The best part is that he knows what's going to happen and will make it all work out in some way that is better than I could ever imagine. I have to keep telling myself that his plan is perfect and that there is nothing in this world that can separate me from his love. When it comes down to it, that's all that really matters anyway. I actually have a lot more to write about, but I can't tonight. I'll update you soon.

What I've accomplished since school's been out

Since I've been out of school I've been catching up on Glee (thanks to my addiction to Netflix). I finished season one last night, which is the only season available to watch instantly. Every time I finish something like that, whether it be a book, movie series, or T.V. show, I sort of feel like a part of my life just ended. I know, it's weird. Here's a list of my favorite songs that Glee does.

• Landslide - sung by Gwyneth Paltrow, Naya Rivera (Santana), and Brittany (Heather Morris)
• Total Eclipse of the Heart - sung by Lea Michele (Rachel Berry), Cory Monteith (Fin Hudson), Mark Salling (Puck), and Jonathan Groff (Jessie St. James)
• Song Bird - sung by Naya Rivera
• Gives You Hell - sung by Lea Michele and New Directions
• The entire Journey medly - sung by New Directions
• I'll Stand By You - sung by Cory Monteith

Tonight I'm going to CMA Music Festival with a friend. I've only ever been to the day shows outside of the Hardrock Cafe and on the Riverfront so I'm super excited to go to one of the night concerts! I'm also listening to Frank Sinatra right now so by the end of the night I think I'll have listened to ever possible music genre. The mission trip I'm going on leaves Sunday morning so I'm really pumped about that too. I'll check back when I get home and write about it. I have something to blog about when I get it all together in my head, too. :)

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”

What I learned from Marvel

The dork side of me loves the X-Men movies, so yesterday my mom and I saw the latest one (which was actually a prequel to the others.) The character, Mystique, has always intrigued me and seeing her beginnings just drew me in more. She is able to change her appearance, effortlessly becoming whoever she wants to be. A part of me desperately wants to be just like her. I want my hair to be long and beautiful like Lea Michele's, my body to look like Blake Lively's, my voice to be smooth and mesmerizing like Carrie Underwood's, my personality to be strong yet inviting like my mother's, the list goes on and on. I want to take the best qualities of everyone else and try to fit them to myself. The problem is that I wasn't made to fit a mold meant for another. I know that. I've known it my entire life. That doesn't mean I won't try to fight it. Some will argue that this desire comes from society putting too much pressure on teens, especially girls, to fit a certain profile, and that may be true to some degree. I think what really fuels our passion to be change ourselves, though, is nothing more than human nature. When Adam and Eve first discovered they were naked, what did they do? Hid. They tried to change the fact that God had made their bodies without shame, because they were ashamed. The need to "fit" better isn't new. My problems with image are no different than theirs. I don't do it for others, but for myself. I'm not happy with how I look or who I am. What the kids at school have to say about it doesn't matter, they're opinions will be miles behind me in a couple of years anyway. I guess this is just another mess I've made for Christ to come in and make good out of. All I can do is let His grace enfold me again and again, because I will keep struggling with this. But I know that when I struggle, I am not alone. I have my Savior holding on to me the whole time.

Kinda Sounds Like a Michael W. Smith Song...

I don't know if it can be called fate or what, but I believe that things happen for a reason. I know, such a cliche way to start off a post. But seriously, I'm going to make this post about people who have been a part of my life that I could not be anywhere close to the same without. I guess I'll just go with list form to make this simple since I don't have a whole lot of time.

Jack K. Allison: My papa. This is the single best man I've ever known. I will have to write a full post on him sometime but for now I'll just say that without him, a very large portion of the events that have sculpted my faith would never have happened. He taught me more about how to love unselfishly than anyone else on Earth.

Elizabeth Saunders: My other mom. I seriously cannot imagine my life without her. She's been there for me through everything. Every joy, every I-hate-the-world moment, every time I've just needed a hug and someone to tell me "It'll be alright", she's stood with arms open to me. My entire life, she's treated me as one of her own children, loving on me and calling me out when I've needed it the most. I know I'll always be able to run to her when no one else will listen. For Ms. Elizabeth, I am more grateful to God than I'll ever be able to express.

Gavin Richardson: My first youth pastor. This guy appeared in my life right when I needed it the most. How could I have known that he would grow from a mentor and someone to look up to into a friend? I've learned so much about patience and trusting the Lord's perfect plan from him. My real favorite thing about Gavin, though, is his insanely adorable son. Just kidding, but Brooks is super cute. :)

Jordan Vandegejuchte: One of my very best friends. Some of my craziest and best memories have her as a main character. Even though we've known each other for several years, this was the one that we really got to know one another well. We laughed and cried and got angry together, some times I'll never forget. I feel like I'm writing in a year book with this so I'll just say one more thing: I've never been able to be as real with anyone has I feel I can be with her.

Lexy Bader: This summer will mark ten years since we first met. She had a bowl cut and I thought socks with hot pink flip flops were the coolest thing since sliced bread. Do I have to say anymore? Though I haven't been able to see her every year that we've known each other, knowing she's there has been such a comfort to me. She is one of the most loving and accepting people I've ever had the privileged of knowing. A gentle spirit is something that's talked a lot about at the camp we go to, and I think she is the perfect example of it. I'll end with this: Sexy Lexy.

Five people. That's all I got down? Really? Okay well you can expect another one of these sometime because there are way more people I need to write about. Goodnight, friends. "Sleep well, I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Sorry, I couldn't resist the opportunity for a Princess Bride moment.

"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow..."

Oh Hey, Mags. Didn't see you coming

For as long I can remember, I've been making a list in my head of things I want to ask God when I get to Heaven. I don't know why I first started doing it, but it stuck. The other night it occurred to me that maybe writing down my list would be a good idea. Duh. It took me sixteen years to figure that out. So tonight I began my physical list. I don't know if this will lead anywhere, but I want to believe that it will, considering that it's been a part of my life for so long. Writing that list made me wish that when we die, we could take something with us. I know it's silly to wish for earthly possessions in Heaven, but I can hardly imagine the feeling of being able to stand before God himself and check items off of my list. Satisfaction beyond belief. It's a weird place to be, though, confronting the questions I've pushed to the back of my mind all my life. Some of them make me feel like I'm questioning my God, but I'm just being honest with what's going on in my brain. He already knows anyway, so why hide it? I feel like who I am now is face to face with who I used to be and they are slowly getting to know each other. Maybe it's because I haven't slept a whole lot. But maybe, just maybe, it's because it needs to happen. I need to dig up my life and try to see a bigger picture of it all. I don't know, maybe this is all a little crazy. I'm just going to let God fly where he wants to with this, that's all I really can do.