Oh Hey, Mags. Didn't see you coming

For as long I can remember, I've been making a list in my head of things I want to ask God when I get to Heaven. I don't know why I first started doing it, but it stuck. The other night it occurred to me that maybe writing down my list would be a good idea. Duh. It took me sixteen years to figure that out. So tonight I began my physical list. I don't know if this will lead anywhere, but I want to believe that it will, considering that it's been a part of my life for so long. Writing that list made me wish that when we die, we could take something with us. I know it's silly to wish for earthly possessions in Heaven, but I can hardly imagine the feeling of being able to stand before God himself and check items off of my list. Satisfaction beyond belief. It's a weird place to be, though, confronting the questions I've pushed to the back of my mind all my life. Some of them make me feel like I'm questioning my God, but I'm just being honest with what's going on in my brain. He already knows anyway, so why hide it? I feel like who I am now is face to face with who I used to be and they are slowly getting to know each other. Maybe it's because I haven't slept a whole lot. But maybe, just maybe, it's because it needs to happen. I need to dig up my life and try to see a bigger picture of it all. I don't know, maybe this is all a little crazy. I'm just going to let God fly where he wants to with this, that's all I really can do.