This weekend I went on a retreat with my church that was also attended by around 1800 other youth from the Tennessee Conference of the United Methodist Church. That's not what this blog post is about, though. This post is about faith. Right now, mine is a little crazy. Because there are probably two people who actually read this thing (including me), I'll share it. I've been struggling to figure out why God would allow me, a disgusting, messed up, terrible person, into His kingdom. That question is becoming over-shadowed by another, much more distressing inquiry: Why does a God, so perfect and strong, love me? I've been trying so hard to figure it out. It just makes no sense to me at all. He has no reason to love me, and I certainly don't make it easy. Why would He put Himself through that? I've spent my entire life in the church being told that Jesus loves me. I believe He loves other people, people who haven't screwed up as much as I have. Those are good people, but I don't think I fall in that category. A part of me doesn't want Him to love me, doesn't want Him to give me that because I am so undeserving of it. I know, all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God but I just don't get it. He shouldn't love me.
Sorry if you just read that. It's not the most light-hearted thing in the world.
hey hey whooa i read this
ReplyDeleteWell I just had a great response to this blog, but I'm computer challenged and now it's gone. But it's the thought that counts right?(:
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