What does He sound like, the man upstairs?
Is He loud and booming, shouting "Satan beware"?
Does He echo in the night, like an old faithful hound?
Does He unleash a song that could shake solid ground?

Or is He soft, and filled with resolve?
Knowing that soon His people will call?
Is His grin slightly cooked and His drawl of the south?
Does hope grow like kudzu when He opens His mouth?

Or does He sound different to each of us here?
Because He knows exactly what makes our hearts cheer?
Does He speak Pashto, and English, and Romanian?
So that He can make our broken lives whole again?

I trust in a God whose full name is LOVE
Who sends mercies each day like a new-flying dove
And if ever in life I should stumble and fall
I will rest on the ground and praise the Lord of all

Saying "Hello" to what's behind me

My grandfather died of cancer on November 24, 2008, the monday before Thanksgiving. That's what I've been telling people since November 25, 2008, the tuesday before Thanksgiving. I didn't realize just how wrong I was until today, November 8, 2011, 16 days before November 24, 2011, and Thanksgiving. A year or two ago my grandmother gave me his Bible for my birthday. My own Bible has been M.I.A. for about a month now so today I turned to his. My Papa was the greatest man I've ever known, here's why. In the front he had taped two different sticky notes with the same thing written on them: the Methodist/Wesleyan Quadrilateral. It's a way of discerning truth or the answer to a question. Along side the sticky notes was a piece of paper with a poem typed on it called "One." It says "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do somethings. That which I need to do, but the grace God I will do." That was his attitude toward life. Everyday I spent with him, I watched him live this conviction of his out. The last treasure I found was in the placement of one of the markers he had placed in various spots throughout the text. I found one of the ribbons at Hebrews 11. It's the chapter about faith. A dying man specifically marked a passage about not losing faith in the Lord. To me this doesn't say that he never faltered in his belief, but that he knew where to turn when he did. So today, November 8, 2011, is the day I found my way again. I realized that my Papa isn't dead, but that he is alive and well with the Lord he clung to until the bitter end.

NaNoWriMo

November 1. It's a good day. We got our class rings, I turned in this project that had been KILLING me, and...it NaNoWriMo started! National Novel Writing Month is something I've been looking forward to for a while but had forgotten about lately. This morning it occurred to me that it begins today so I started. I'm pretty excited about my story! As far as my quest over fall break, well our laptop died on day one of the trip so I didn't really write a whole lot. I did get a quick journal entry in though. That was probably one of the most helpful things that's happened for my walk with Christ lately. Well this post sucks. I hope your day doesn't, though! I hope you're having a fantastic day. I love you and Jesus does even more!

Short-term Goal

Sumner County's fall break officially started at 3:00 today! While we're out of school my family and I are going to Virginia to visit Sweet Briar College and Mary Baldwin College and then on down to Atlanta because my Uncle David will be there. Needless to say, I'm pretty pumped. Just the thought of not having to attend a math class for 11 days is enough to evoke happy tears. These next several days will also include an awful lot of car time and I'd like to do something productive with all that time. So my goal for the next 11 days is to write something that means something, if not to someone else then to myself. I'll check back later to post how my endeavor has gone. :) I hope you're having a fantastic day, week, month, year, and life. Jesus loves you, plain and simple.

A lesson from Longfellow

Socially awkward. Quirky. Tall. Loud. Quiet. Geeky. All things that could describe me I guess. All things that could be seen as negative or positive. There's something missing from that list, though, something more important than any of those attributes: Christ. I call myself a Christian, a word that means 'little Christ'. Today in my English class we read a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow called A Psalm of Life. The poem talks about leaving footprints in the sands of time so one of the response questions my teacher asked us was what footprint we want to leave. I wrote down that if I can say or do one thing that makes someone's day/life a little better then I'll have left the footprint I can be happy with. But as I thought about it a little more I realized that I don't want to leave a footprint. I don't want to be remembered. If I am truly living as a 'little Christ' then who I am won't matter, his kingdom will. I don't want people to look at me and see Maggie, I want the image of a savior who would go to the cross for them to flash across their eyes. I want the bright light of that same man walking out of the tomb to grab hold of their souls. I want my words to be the words the Lord wants said. I want my actions to be what he needs done. My prayer lately has been for God to make me a pawn on his chess board. I know that I won't be here long, but I can do something for him while I am here.

"Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait."

Talking to Strangers

I wrote this at school yesterday/today so it's still pretty fresh on my mind. I'm not totally sure how much sense it makes so let me know what you think! Please be critical!

There goes the alarm clock. I’m awake now. A few moments later I’m standing at my closet, groggily searching for something suitable to wear, when suddenly there is a voice behind me. Its familiarity puts me at ease and for a moment or two we are lost in casual conversation. “How’s the weather been?” I ask? “Hot, as always,” he replies. That alone should give away his true identity, but blinded by charm I don’t see it. He’s handsome, so very very handsome. Just then, there is a tap on my shoulder. A turn of my head reveals a simple looking fellow with a neatly trimmed beard. There is nothing special about his appearance, but I can’t seem to keep my eyes off of him. When I turn back to m original conversation, I see out of the corner of my eye his previously upturned mouth swoop downward in an instant. What fault does he see in my first acquaintance? He calls me to him and I go. “Look,” he says, “not at him, but at his heart. His words may be passionate, but his soul will deceive you.” So once again I face my original company. This time when I take him in, however, I see someone else. Suddenly it is clear to me who this man is. I am sickened by own inability to recognize the evil before me. My heart beating fast, I cling to this new man, my savior. That is when I realize why he has captivated me so: He is breathing. His face is flushing and there is a pounding in his chest. This man is alive. He is alive and well and has vanquished his predecessor from his sights. He is alive and there is life with him. This man is the one I want, and it is with this man I will remain.

Never Forgotten

Yesterday. Yesterday was 9/11. Yesterday was a day we never saw coming. Yesterday was a day we'll never forget. Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the event that rocked our country more than anything in the last 50 years. Yesterday the significance of that event really sank in for me. Last night I watched a special on CBS about two French film makers who were following around a rookie fire fighter in New York City (seven blocks from WTC) at the time. These were to the two guys who have the only known footage of the first plane hitting and the inside of the World Trade Centers. What I was most in awe of was the realness of it. The scene looked like an apocalypse straight out of Hollywood, yet those firefighters walked into it anyway. Here are a few quotes that I think seem to describe them well.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important." - Ambrose Redmoon

"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow." - Dan Rather

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 See the resemblence?

"Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve."- President G.W. Bush

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" - John 15:13

Beautifully Broken

I've written before about Camp Hollymont, where I go in the summertime. It's a truly amazing place. I could just rant forever and ever about how crazy awesome it is, but I won't bore you with that. Instead I'll bore you with one reason why it rocks. One of the first nights I was there this year I was hanging out with a couple of counselors talking about God and such (another reason this place is cool). While I was listening to one girl tell her story it hit me that every single person there is a mess in some form or fashion. Every one of them is broken or screwed up or insecure in one way or another, and they all seem to be so okay with it. Hearing these wonderful ladies talk about their trials and the things they struggle with, always going back to God and what he's done/is doing through that is so uplifting. Witnessing that kind of faith and glory-be-to-God attitude has really stuck with me. The Lord is working through that camp, FO SHO.

How about another camp story?
I was a CIT on what we call Cardinal Hall, which is 11-12 year old girls. One night we were on the bus going to the brother camp, Rockmont, and the girls were singing. We had been singing Our God by Chris Tomlin in Morning Watch (Chapel) so they started on that one. They kept getting louder and louder so by the time they had gotten to "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us..." I had to turn around and look. My view at that point = AMAZING. 11 and 12 year old girls had their hands in the air and their eyes shut worshiping their God...on a school bus!!! That's incredible to me. I want to be as cool as them someday.

There's my stories for the night. Jesus rocks. The end.

Proof

Tell me child, have you ever glanced between the ocean and the sky just moments before the night, to see a sailor’s delight?
Did you notice just between the clouds and setting sun, I had written “love” for all the world to see?

Tell me child, did your chest leap as your heart skipped a beat when you happened upon that waterfall?
Did you take your breath in deep as you clambered up the steep?
In between the foam and rocks could you see my love complete?

Tell me child, could you hear me calling down the hall when you felt you’d lost it all?
Did you feel my arms around you and my gentle voice say “go ahead and sob”?
Did you finally see that my love conquers all?



HE loves YOU. As my good friend would say, "Can't argue with that."

Mission:Love

Names. They're our link to each other, what we think of when a face flashes across our minds. Names. Like a tick on a dog, they attach themselves to an emotion or feeling. Names. Just a couple of words can stoke a fire, open floodgates, or release joy from it's bindings. Right now one name in particular is sitting on the ledge of my thoughts. When I hear this name my mind automatically tightens up, and I close myself off to any good that may come from it. I've trained myself to not allow myself a smile when this name comes up. You see that's the funny thing about names, they don't stop with the last syllable. A name is a person. It's a personality, a being with feelings and thoughts and a heart. It makes changing what I think about someone difficult, because, unlike a name, a person cannot simply be changed or forgotten. Loving a name that I've built myself up against is hard, but loving the human behind that name is even harder. So that's my task for right now: to love. To look past the hurt and disappointment I hear when a name is brought up in conversation. To resist what I want to do and embrace what I know I should do. To block initial hate, and open my heart to what could be. To love as I have been commanded to by the guy who named my Savior.

How far does love extend?

It's been a while since I've done this. I've got several things to write about, most recently Hollymont! But today I don't have a whole lot of time so this is all I'm writing....

Matthew 5:44 tells us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Alright, I get that. In Paul's letter to the Romans we are instructed to hate what is evil. That makes sense too. But what about Satan? He's evil, but he's also our enemy. Are we supposed to love him or hate him? I've seen very recently just how terrible he is, but as "little Christs" shouldn't our love look like our Maker's? Something I've been really struggling with and trying to be better about is loving those I don't really want to. Is the devil one of them?

There's my weird question for the day.

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

The Ground Shakes and the Clouds Rumble

Tonight has been one of those nights, the kind when it feel like everything around me is crumbling (please excuse my over-dramatic teenager-ness). I think I've mentioned before that our church has been enduring a lot of changes lately, and another just came out tonight. I won't go into detail, that's not really why I'm writing this. Last week in Vacation Bible School, the theme verse for one of the days was Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Tonight, while I was busy having a melt down about things out of my control, God was busy reminding me to trust. I'm so glad he can see the big picture even when I refuse to look past the minute details of a single situation. The best part is that he knows what's going to happen and will make it all work out in some way that is better than I could ever imagine. I have to keep telling myself that his plan is perfect and that there is nothing in this world that can separate me from his love. When it comes down to it, that's all that really matters anyway. I actually have a lot more to write about, but I can't tonight. I'll update you soon.

What I've accomplished since school's been out

Since I've been out of school I've been catching up on Glee (thanks to my addiction to Netflix). I finished season one last night, which is the only season available to watch instantly. Every time I finish something like that, whether it be a book, movie series, or T.V. show, I sort of feel like a part of my life just ended. I know, it's weird. Here's a list of my favorite songs that Glee does.

• Landslide - sung by Gwyneth Paltrow, Naya Rivera (Santana), and Brittany (Heather Morris)
• Total Eclipse of the Heart - sung by Lea Michele (Rachel Berry), Cory Monteith (Fin Hudson), Mark Salling (Puck), and Jonathan Groff (Jessie St. James)
• Song Bird - sung by Naya Rivera
• Gives You Hell - sung by Lea Michele and New Directions
• The entire Journey medly - sung by New Directions
• I'll Stand By You - sung by Cory Monteith

Tonight I'm going to CMA Music Festival with a friend. I've only ever been to the day shows outside of the Hardrock Cafe and on the Riverfront so I'm super excited to go to one of the night concerts! I'm also listening to Frank Sinatra right now so by the end of the night I think I'll have listened to ever possible music genre. The mission trip I'm going on leaves Sunday morning so I'm really pumped about that too. I'll check back when I get home and write about it. I have something to blog about when I get it all together in my head, too. :)

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”

What I learned from Marvel

The dork side of me loves the X-Men movies, so yesterday my mom and I saw the latest one (which was actually a prequel to the others.) The character, Mystique, has always intrigued me and seeing her beginnings just drew me in more. She is able to change her appearance, effortlessly becoming whoever she wants to be. A part of me desperately wants to be just like her. I want my hair to be long and beautiful like Lea Michele's, my body to look like Blake Lively's, my voice to be smooth and mesmerizing like Carrie Underwood's, my personality to be strong yet inviting like my mother's, the list goes on and on. I want to take the best qualities of everyone else and try to fit them to myself. The problem is that I wasn't made to fit a mold meant for another. I know that. I've known it my entire life. That doesn't mean I won't try to fight it. Some will argue that this desire comes from society putting too much pressure on teens, especially girls, to fit a certain profile, and that may be true to some degree. I think what really fuels our passion to be change ourselves, though, is nothing more than human nature. When Adam and Eve first discovered they were naked, what did they do? Hid. They tried to change the fact that God had made their bodies without shame, because they were ashamed. The need to "fit" better isn't new. My problems with image are no different than theirs. I don't do it for others, but for myself. I'm not happy with how I look or who I am. What the kids at school have to say about it doesn't matter, they're opinions will be miles behind me in a couple of years anyway. I guess this is just another mess I've made for Christ to come in and make good out of. All I can do is let His grace enfold me again and again, because I will keep struggling with this. But I know that when I struggle, I am not alone. I have my Savior holding on to me the whole time.

Kinda Sounds Like a Michael W. Smith Song...

I don't know if it can be called fate or what, but I believe that things happen for a reason. I know, such a cliche way to start off a post. But seriously, I'm going to make this post about people who have been a part of my life that I could not be anywhere close to the same without. I guess I'll just go with list form to make this simple since I don't have a whole lot of time.

Jack K. Allison: My papa. This is the single best man I've ever known. I will have to write a full post on him sometime but for now I'll just say that without him, a very large portion of the events that have sculpted my faith would never have happened. He taught me more about how to love unselfishly than anyone else on Earth.

Elizabeth Saunders: My other mom. I seriously cannot imagine my life without her. She's been there for me through everything. Every joy, every I-hate-the-world moment, every time I've just needed a hug and someone to tell me "It'll be alright", she's stood with arms open to me. My entire life, she's treated me as one of her own children, loving on me and calling me out when I've needed it the most. I know I'll always be able to run to her when no one else will listen. For Ms. Elizabeth, I am more grateful to God than I'll ever be able to express.

Gavin Richardson: My first youth pastor. This guy appeared in my life right when I needed it the most. How could I have known that he would grow from a mentor and someone to look up to into a friend? I've learned so much about patience and trusting the Lord's perfect plan from him. My real favorite thing about Gavin, though, is his insanely adorable son. Just kidding, but Brooks is super cute. :)

Jordan Vandegejuchte: One of my very best friends. Some of my craziest and best memories have her as a main character. Even though we've known each other for several years, this was the one that we really got to know one another well. We laughed and cried and got angry together, some times I'll never forget. I feel like I'm writing in a year book with this so I'll just say one more thing: I've never been able to be as real with anyone has I feel I can be with her.

Lexy Bader: This summer will mark ten years since we first met. She had a bowl cut and I thought socks with hot pink flip flops were the coolest thing since sliced bread. Do I have to say anymore? Though I haven't been able to see her every year that we've known each other, knowing she's there has been such a comfort to me. She is one of the most loving and accepting people I've ever had the privileged of knowing. A gentle spirit is something that's talked a lot about at the camp we go to, and I think she is the perfect example of it. I'll end with this: Sexy Lexy.

Five people. That's all I got down? Really? Okay well you can expect another one of these sometime because there are way more people I need to write about. Goodnight, friends. "Sleep well, I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Sorry, I couldn't resist the opportunity for a Princess Bride moment.

"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow..."

Oh Hey, Mags. Didn't see you coming

For as long I can remember, I've been making a list in my head of things I want to ask God when I get to Heaven. I don't know why I first started doing it, but it stuck. The other night it occurred to me that maybe writing down my list would be a good idea. Duh. It took me sixteen years to figure that out. So tonight I began my physical list. I don't know if this will lead anywhere, but I want to believe that it will, considering that it's been a part of my life for so long. Writing that list made me wish that when we die, we could take something with us. I know it's silly to wish for earthly possessions in Heaven, but I can hardly imagine the feeling of being able to stand before God himself and check items off of my list. Satisfaction beyond belief. It's a weird place to be, though, confronting the questions I've pushed to the back of my mind all my life. Some of them make me feel like I'm questioning my God, but I'm just being honest with what's going on in my brain. He already knows anyway, so why hide it? I feel like who I am now is face to face with who I used to be and they are slowly getting to know each other. Maybe it's because I haven't slept a whole lot. But maybe, just maybe, it's because it needs to happen. I need to dig up my life and try to see a bigger picture of it all. I don't know, maybe this is all a little crazy. I'm just going to let God fly where he wants to with this, that's all I really can do.

Hands and Feet

I am totally in awe of how some people say things that convict without bringing people down. Hillsong United has this song called Solution that is just like that. One of my favorite parts of the song goes
"Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light"
The song is the truth laid out in front of us, it seems. We cannot fix everything, in fact we can't really fix anything. God must be that solution, that glue to hold everything together. We must administer the healing. The pediatrician does not mix and test the motrin, that is left up to the scientists. We must be "doers of the word." I want this song to be my prayer, now and forever.
"...It is not too far a cry
To much to try
To help the least of these
Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet"

What time is it? SUMMER TIME

Well, I am officially a junior in high school! I took my last exam Wednesday morning so I am now on summer break! Being able to say that is more of a relief than I can tell you. I'm so excited about what's happening this summer. Here's a few of the things I'm doing.

ASP
The senior high mission trip for my youth group this year is Appalachian Service Project. We basically are going into an impoverished area in Appalachia and working on houses. Our youth group has been through a lot in the last several months so I'm a little more excited than usual to see what God does on this trip. I think everyone is going for a different reason. Me, I like mission trips and I want to build/rebuild relationships with a lot of the people in the youth group. After all, these are the people I'll be spending the rest of high school with so I want to know them better.

Hollymont
It's the summer camp my mom, sister, and I go to every year (I wrote a whole post about it here). This will be my tenth summer there and my first as a Counselor in Training or CIT. Hollymont is the two weeks I spend the other fifty looking to. I can't wait to see all of my girls! I'd write more about it, but if I don't stop now I never will.


Raider Workouts
I do these with JROTC. What I'm really excited about is the actual raider season which doesn't start until September (I think). The hard part about this, though, is that I'm not doing marching band because of it. It's been kind of a tough pill to swallow, but I think I made the right decision. And it's not like I'm doing nothing in the fall, I'm going to be at raider meets most weekends.

Books
Near the end of school I started reading again and I've finished two so far and have started another. First I read Dancing at the Harvest Moon by K.C. McKinnon then I tackled The Help by Katherine Stockett. Now I'm on The Peach Keeper by Sarah Addison Allen. I highly recommend the first two, I'll let you know on the last one.I love reading outside, but with these dang cicadas I've been driven inside twice now. But that's a story for another post.

And there's a rundown on what I'm doing this summer. 

Currently....
Listening to: A bunch of stuff from Passion 2010.
Waiting on: The A-Team to arrive in my mailbox. 
Hoping to: Go see the new Pirates movie today.

Dang Bible Belt

I just read an article about a bill on Tennessee's capitol hill that made me a bit angry. If passed into law, this bill would ban Tennessee teachers from Kindergarten to 8th grade from talking about homosexuality in "prepared materials and instruction." This is totally ridiculous. Whether or not you agree with people being gay, there is no denying that it is a part of the world and cannot be ignored. The funny thing is that most of the time the students really don't care all that much. Sure, when someone first comes out everyone is a little weird around them but that goes away pretty quickly and the ones that make a big deal out of it become the minority. It's the adults who make a big deal out of it. A lot of the teachers even know which kids are gay and don't treat them any differently than the others. This bill is DUMB and I am so embarrassed that it is happening in Tennessee.

Now on to a quasi-related topic. The American Civil Liberties Union has filed a lawsuit against the Sumner County School System (where I go) for 'unconstitutional religious events' in county schools. I guess I should explain a little bit about where I live before I go on. Tennessee is part of what is known as the Bible Belt. Christianity is literally EVERYWHERE. For example, there are 42 churches in Hendersonville, a city that is about 33 square miles (5.6 of those are water). Escaping is impossible. I'm not saying that Christianity is a bad thing, in fact I find it quite wonderful, but I believe that it should not intertwine with public schools. In my high school's cafeteria there are regularly youth pastors from different churches around town and one day the Gideons  were even there handing out Bibles. I just think that other religions should be respected. Christ didn't go around shoving his ministry in everyone's face, he took it to them with love and understanding. Forcing our beliefs on others is ultimately crippling to the message we should be sending. This country is not run by a religious leader. There's a reason we have a separation of church and state. I may not sound like the best Christian for saying all this, and if that's the case then good. I don't want to be a Christian, I want to be a lover of people and a lover of God. If I am that, then I've done my job.

Opening the Vent

You know those days when you feel like you're being pulled a thousand different directions and you have close to a million things to do? Well that's how this whole week has been for me. I have a ton of stuff to do for school, not to mention study for finals and work on projects to help pay for my mission trip this summer. I am more stressed than I have been in a long time so what do I do? I go write. Why? For the sake of sanity I guess. Because when everything else seems to be crashing down on top of me all at once, I know that I can always find who I am and be reminded of who I belong to just by writing out a few words. I'm listening to Glorious Day by Casting Crowns right now, and suddenly it all makes sense again. Back into perspective my life has fallen. The blinders have been removed and I can see what really matters: Jesus loves me more than I can even begin to comprehend and he is with me through every trial I may face. Through the mounds of homework stuffed in my backpack, through the disappointment threatening to crush me, through missing people I love, through not being sure of what is right, he is there. I can turn to him always. That's really all I have to say today.

"Word of God speak

Would you pour down like rain

Washing my eyes to see

Your majesty

To be still and know

That you're in this place

Please let me stay and rest

In you holiness...Word of God speak"

Living He Loved Me...

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now is ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One bringing
My Savior Jesus is mine

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

*Thanks to the Casting Crowns for writing this post.

Father Knows Best

The following is my case for proving that God has a sense of humor.

Last night I was scrolling through news on Yahoo! and I came across an article about President Obama's interview with 60 Minutes on the killing of Osama bin Laden. He made a few comments that made me angry at first. The most irksome of these was “Anyone who would question that Bin Laden didn’t deserve what he got needs to have their head examined.” Since I've already blogged about what I think of rejoicing in Bin Laden's death (No Conditions), I won't bore you with it again. So, I was sitting in bed, irked, as previously mentioned, when I realized that the President of the United States of America just told me to have my head examined. I'm not sure why, but I find this absolutely HILARIOUS! How many people can say that they have had Barack Obama insult their intelligence? Okay maybe a lot, but come on, this is cool! I'll admit, my sense of humor probably seems a bit out of whack to some, but I think that's the coolest part. God took what he knew would make me, individually, smile and used it to his glory! And there is my God story for today!

May the road rise up to meet you...

I just got home from the banquet we have for band every year. I always forget how huge a part of my life this band has become, but tonight was a huge reminder. This year's seniors are some truly wonderful people. I've learned more from just being around them everyday than I will ever be able to say. I don't know all of them very well, but a few I have had the great privilege of getting to know. It's weird to think a few months from now, I won't walk down the hall and see their faces, but I am so excited about all that God has in store for them. I can't wait to hear all about where they are going in this crazy world! It's still hard to say goodbye to them, though. We've been through so much together, from the ridiculous heat in July and August to the sub-freezing state championship football game. That's not all, though. We've fought, cried, yelled, kicked, worried, laughed, loved, rejoiced, prayed, sang, cheered, hoped, and lived life together. We are one big family, an often times dysfunctional one, but a family none the less. I know that if I ever need a friend, I will always have one from band. I wish all of the seniors the very best in whatever their endeavors may be. I love you all so much and am so grateful to have gotten to know you all! I will always carry a part of you with me, and I "have been changed for good" because of who you are. My only regret about this class is that I didn't get to know you better.

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

Here is the Band of Gold playing our school's alma mater a few years ago.

WARNING: POINTLESS RAMBLING WILL OCCUR.
 I don't really have a lot to blog about today but I want to write so here I am, sitting at the computer with blogger pulled up and listening to Hillsong United. I wasn't really into Christian music for a long time and I'm still not to some extent. Some of the stuff kind of bothers me. It paints a picture of life after you meet Christ as a perfect and easy escalator ride to Heaven when, in fact, it is often the opposite. Life is hard, especially for Christians. The world doesn't like it when anyone goes against the norm and living like Christ is definitely not normal. He was born in the same room where animals poop, called out the religious leaders of the time before he made it to his 30th birthday, and didn't protest when he was beat up, spit on, insulted, tortured, and ultimately killed. He was about as far from 'normal' as you can get. I was going somewhere with this...oh yeah! Christian music! I like Hillsong because they don't make this life out to be something it's not. They don't focus on the negative either. Their songs are all humble praise to God. Some other Christians bands/singers that I like are Francesca Battistelli, The David Crowder Band, Chris Tomlin, Chris August, and Kutless. I'm sure there are tons of others that I just can't think of right now. 

Now I'm listening to 7X70  by Chris August. The song is really speaking to me about forgiveness and and loving like Christ. It's so real and easy to relate to, I just love it. If you haven't heard I highly recommend it.

I am...
Reading: The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Excited for: My mom to come home from Chicago. Her plane gets here in about 5 minutes!
Ready for: School to be over.
Excited and ready for: HOLLYMONT!!! It's the camp I am CITing at this summer! I found out yesterday that two of my favorite people ever are the CIT leaders so I'm even more pumped now!
Doing this weekend: Going to a team building day for the mission trip I'm going on next month and working at Dog Trials. "What is Dog Trials?" you ask. Well, basically we go sit in the woods and shoot dead ducks out of slingshots for laboradores to come find as fast as they can. It doesn't sound like that much fun, but when you've got good people with you it is.

No Conditions

I’m sure you’ve all heard the news by now, it’s all over the place. People outside the White House, the Pentagon, Ground Zero, Time Square, and countless other places across the nation are cheering because Osama Bin Laden is finally dead. Patriotism is higher than I’ve seen it in years and it seems like Mr. President has risen back into favor with the people. Me though, I am caught somewhere between the distant cheers and the cries of murder. I am sure this has brought unimaginable closure to the families of those killed in the attacks on 9/11 and for them I am glad. The part of me that ached for those orphaned children and widowed spouses and hated the ones who made that day infamous is out getting “God Bless America” tattooed on my forehead right now. Another side of me, though, is loathing the distant cheers, the fireworks, the sudden outbreak of red, white, and blue all over the place. Don’t get me wrong, I love my country and I love seeing her honored, but I cannot bring myself to rejoice in another person’s death, regardless of who they are. All of my life I have been taught that the love of Christ extends to all and that there is nothing we can do to separate us from it (John 3:16, Romans 3:23, 8:38). I do not understand how people who claim to live by this love can walk around saying things like "tomorrow is dress up day, we're all wearing bloody turbans." I do not understand how those who worship the God who raised sinners from the dead can celebrate the death of one of his children. It just doesn't make sense to me. One of my friends had a great facebook status that I just must share: "When Americans were killed, the 'terrorists' danced in the street with joy, our country was in horror. Now, we've killed their leader and what do we do? The exact same thing. How does this make us any better? How can we claim to be the 'good guys' when our actions are no different from the 'bad guys'?" Yes, the man orchestrated an attack that killed thousands of innocent Americans. Yes, he is still a child of the living God. In chapter 3, John writes "For God so loved the WORLD..." He puts no conditions on this love. Who are we to place them there?

Last night President Obama addressed the nation on the death of Osama bin Laden. You can watch that video here and decide what you think.



When the Lights Go Down in the City...

Clickity clack. The marionette’s wooden feet tap across the stage. Clickity clack. Her master glides across his perch high above. She’s heard them speak of the city lights, but with her own eyes she’s never seen. Her master, though, he can see them. He takes them in every night. Moonrise to moonset, he watches as they glitter and glow. A car zips down some distant street, its tail lamps, like a child’s sparkler, lingering for a moment in their illuminating state. He can see, but she only dreams. She’s heard them rant and she’s heard them rave, and tonight it has all become too much. So when all of the theater-goers have left and the master has locked the door and gone to bed, the puppet leaves her post between the policeman and the baker and slips into the darkness. She can barely see her wooden fingers as they reach into the black unknown in search of something that will tell her which way to go. She feels to her left and to her right but to no avail. Across the room she traipses like a silent ballerina until she comes across a shadow. Her hand reaches for it and is gleefully surprised by its find. A ladder! It is the one that she has seen the master climb night after night and day after day. She knows where it leads. A deep breathe in and her lanky limbs are wrapped around the lowest rung, a plank of wooden hope. Push and push and she’s up again, clinging to the next step. Up, up, up she goes, with every board the shimmering wonder above growing closer. Then finally she sees it, the top rung. The light she has longed for for so long is nearly in her grasp! With a great revelry rising up inside of her, the puppet takes that long awaited stride.  She stretches and stretches and pulls and pulls but something is holding her back. Craning her neck, the puppet sees that her strings are tangled around the bottom step. With one final tug she lurches towards her dream but she can’t release herself from the trap. Down, down, down she tumbles. Down from hope, down from that magnificent glimmer. Crash, she hits the floor. And there she will lie, a broken marionette, until the master finds her in the morning. No light will she ever see. No city will she ever adore. No speeding cars, no street lights, no lovers dancing on the corner. Not for her. She will forever be a puppet.

...Got a couple rips in my jeans...

You know what I don't get? Why everyone harps so much on what people are wearing or what they look like. I just came across this page on Yahoo as I was looking through the news that was basically just bashing different looks celebrities have had (see the page here). We really have no right to complain about what they wear. We criticize if they are too "normal" and then we criticize when they are too outlandish. Why don't we all just make a pact to give these people (and each other a break)?! Each and every person on this Earth has been fearfully and wonderfully made, so why does it matter whether they want to dress like a cowboy straight out of 1872 or a punk rocker from New York? So go ahead, don't match your clothes, don't straighten your hair, don't cover your face in make up. You are, as Francesca Battistelli put it, free to be you!


[Steps off of soap box] In other news, I've got something I've been working on for a couple of days now that I'm really excited about so when I get it finished I'll be sure to post it.


Listening to: Beautiful Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli
Looking at: My dog. She is absolutely adorable right now! I think she's a little mad at me, though, because I have the light on to type and she wants to go to bed.
Thinking about: How incredible and terribly wrong it is that Jesus would die for a sinner like me. Another post on that will come though.
Attempting to: Empty my mind of anything that isn't of the Lord. I over-analyze EVERYTHING and since I'm so busy filling my thoughts up with random crap, I can't really focus on God like I should.
Wondering: Why we were out of school today when we don't get out for other religions' holidays. Again, there will probably be a post on this.
Wondering, Part 2: How I can be a better daughter, not only to my parents, but also to my Heavenly Father.


Since I don't want this post to be over yet, I'll give you a recap of some random things that have happened.

My youth group had movie night last week and the senior high watched The Passion of the Christ. Even if you disagree with it, I really encourage you to go watch it if you haven't already. I was wary of it because of several things I had been told about it, but it opened my eyes up more than I could ever have imagined. It's been in my head literally all week. Also, one day this week I started writing the first thing that I would consider any attempt at "creativity" I've made in a long time. It's been really really difficult, but in the way that makes me hunger for more. I want to get it finished but at the same time I don't want it to be over because I'm not sure when I'll find something like that again. I guess that's just my insecurities talking haha. Well I'll stop boring you now. I love you and Jesus loves you more. His blood poured out for that love a couple thousand years ago and continues to cover us daily. Goodnight friends.

In Love With The Map Maker

I call my God Map Maker. Why, you ask? Because He make maps. He etches out pathways and roads, open fields and dense forests literally everywhere. Don’t believe me? Look around. If I look out my kitchen window I can see a few hills, one of the main roads through Hendersonville, 3 different schools, and a church. It all had to get there somehow. Next turn to the back of a Bible or any text book. What do you find? Maps. That’s the obvious stuff though. Now look at your life. There is a road with little you, who you are today, and who you see yourself becoming. There are dirt trails that have been plodded on time and time again to bond you with your closest friends. I believe that there is a Road to Damascus in all of us as well. Somehow He makes everything come together and make sense. So I call my God Map Maker because He makes maps.

I started writing this the other day along the same lines. What it really is, I’m not sure.

Pilgrims ask who planned my course
Map Maker did without remorse
He knows my troubles and He knows my flaws
Map Maker, though, He loves them all
He saw us hurt and He saw us fall
So Map Maker climbed upon the cross
What a man Map Maker is
Now pilgrims sing because He lives


I wrote this part of the post a little while ago and just hadn't posted it until today. The rest of this is new.

I am constantly amazed at the beauty that God has created. I could just stand and stare at the pure perfection in everything he has made. The way that his touch can turn something so wretched and disgusting into unsurpassed artistry totally baffles me. The man is crazy awesome.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day! I love you and Jesus does so much more!

I really want to post today, but I don't have much of a subject. My sister says I should share a song I wrote on the home from church last night. I guess I will since I have nothing else to say.

Walking down the street in Hendersonville
We're on our way home to Cruella Devil
There's a broken down bus in the high school parking lot
Some kids do weird stuff in the back of  that parking lot
There's a reason I don't sing it's cause I really suck at it
There's nothing very clean that rhymes with it

...and that's as far as I got before we both kinda lost it.

Okay that was my stalling while I thought of a topic. The HHS MCJROTC drill team competed in its last meet for this season on Saturday at Vanderbilt University. This was definitely my favorite meet for the season even though it was 91 degrees and we were all in a few layers of uniform. Also, this group of people decided it would be a smart idea to protest the military at a HIGH SCHOOL drill meet. Yeah, they're the most intelligent people in Nashville.We walked away with third over all and a few other awards. I am seriously excited for next year and the beginning of Raider season, which is physical fiitness and obstacle courses. It's some ridiculous fun. Okay now that I'm done ranting about that. I want to hear about what is going on in all of your lives! Let me know, friends! Well here's where this pointless post comes to an end. I love you and God loves you so much more!

One last thing. I really really really like this song! It's the Glee cast singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

Only the Young...

I am a child, a toddler trapped in the body of a reckless teenager. I fall short. I lean on this world instead of my creator. I say things I know I will regret. So I run. I run from everything that has made me who I am. I run from my family, the ones who I should trust but often refuse to. I run from the part of me that tells the truth. From my friends, from school, from church, from everything, I run. I take off in a dead sprint to no where in particular, looking for something I can never quite name. No destination, no inclination to stop, never considering that I am not alone, I run. Then, in the middle of my tired stride, I am lifted into the air. It's as if I am flying, but I'm not. My exhausted and aching body is cradled in the arms of my Father. He snatches me up just at the moment when I am about to crumble to the burning pavement. His embrace fills the insatiable gap that haunts me day and night. My worries vanish and I am, yet again, made new. I can't make that happen, only He can. I am just a child, thankful for who He is. 

"...Only the young can say

They're free to fly away

Sharing the same desires

Burning like wildfires..."

*I had a little trouble formatting the color on this...

Taking It Down A Notch

"Be still and know that I am God."
That's what the Lord commands in Psalm 46:10. It's not "Be still only on Thursdays" or "only at three in the afternoon." The Psalm simply says "Be still." I've known this verse for a long time, but it didn't really sink in until today. I registered for classes for my junior year, and I can't say that I was totally pleased with having to sacrifice certain classes for others that will better prepare me for college and such. That led to a whole other string of thoughts. Soon I'll start running on a more regimented schedule in training for various races and events. This week alone I'll have three quizzes that lead into three tests at later dates. It's all for tomorrow. I wonder what I'm missing out on today because I am so caught up in what I've planned out for later. I wonder how much better I could know God if I would just be still and let him have me. I know that I would be at much better service to him if I would let go of my own ambitions and allow my Creator to take control. But I don't. I am like Israel/Jacob, constantly wrestling with God. I need the reminder of an old-time telegram."I've got to get my homework done...stop." "I'll just finish this movie then go to bed...stop." "I don't need to rest....stop." Stop. STOP. STOP.   Every second of every I day I must remind myself that without my God, I am nothing. Without his grace and perfectly stilling peace I have no life, no hope, no faith. So this is my newest task: to be still, and truly know my God. I'm not sure where this will lead me exactly, and I'm so glad I don't. God's got it under control, and that's all I really need to know.

March 18th: The day I posted twice

I know I've already posted today but I want to share this. My mom teaches at the Vanderbilt University School of Nursing and I'm spending the day at her office in Nashville. She works a couple of blocks from The Upper Room, so as I was meandering around, I decided to stop in. It was a cool, quiet space where I was able to read a devotional and talk to God. If you haven't been there, it's a really wonderful place. It has a beautiful stained-glass window and a wood carving of The Last Supper. It was a really great experience for me, being able to go to a safe place and just spend some time with God. If you're ever hanging around 21st Ave. you should definitely go! Alright there's my rant for today. I can't promise it will be the last though.

Long Time No Blog

Well, it's been a while. The computer I usually blog on has gotten some kind of virus and google has quit working, which means that blogger has quit working. I've missed this. I guess I'll just write about what has happened since the last time I wrote.

The Quest
My dad gave me a task a few weeks ago that I've just now begun work on. He wants me to pick out five colleges that I'm interested in and get information on them. This has taken me forever (partially because I haven't really been as focused as I could have been). I have three or four but my favorite so far has been the University of Colorado at Boulder.

The Music
I've been playing guitar at church a lot lately, with the youth praise team and the choir. It has been so much fun! I may not be very good at it, but I absolutely love playing! I've been trying to write as much as I can but all I seem to be able to come up with is half-finished choruses. But! I did finally get a few chords with a song I wrote a while ago, so I'm pretty pumped about that. My mom e-mailed me a song that she wants me to learn to play, too, so I'm excited about that. The song is When the Stars Go Blue by Ryan Adams.

The Island
I'm sure everyone has heard about what has happened in Japan. My heart is breaking for the people over there. I can't even imagine what it would be like if something like that happened here. I know that no matter how bleak it seems, the Lord will lift them up. I didn't hear exactly who said it or what exactly was said, but I saw that someone made a comment about that happening to Japan because they weren't Christians. I have a little scripture for whoever said that: Or is God the God of Jews only? "Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too..." Romans 3:29. It's not our job to make that judgement.

The Movies
We got netflix recently, and I have developed a slight addiction. I've always liked movies a lot, but then again who doesn't, but now I am becoming a bit ridiculous. In the past three weeks I've seen The King's Speech (okay that one was in the theater), The Young Victoria, The Duchess, A Room With A View, How To Train Your Dragon, The Painted Veil, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Batman Begins, and am in the process of watching Emma. I think I'm forgetting one or two. See, ridiculous.


I've got a couple of prayer requests today, as well: Our neighbors have a two and a half year old son who will be undergoing his third (I think) open-heart surgury soon. We all know that the Lord will protect him, but Colby will have to be separated from his older brother, Brody, for a while and that will be tough. Also, my good friend, Dalton, will be going to Parris Island, South Carolina for Marine Corps Boot Camp on Monday (I think). I'm very proud of him and I know he will make a great Marine!

Broken Pieces? Check. Shameful Scars? Check.

"He's not mad at you..."

What a concept.

"...He's not disapointed..."

What an idea.

"...His grace is greater still, than all of your wrong choices..."

Wow.

"...You can come as you are, with all your broken pieces, and all your shameful scars. The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus...
You can come as you are."

There are few songs that have ever comforted me so much. I can't fully express how feel right now. I finally get it: I am loved, no matter what I do or have done. This wonderful guy, Jesus, I've been taught about all my life really does care that much for me. Where did this sudden revelation come from, you ask? A couple of good friends a.k.a. the most encouraging people I know.

Condensed version of the full story:
I was still stuggling with everything I wrote about in The F-word. My friend, Rachael, had been talking to me a lot but as hard as I tried, I just couldn't understand that I was actually loved by the King of Kings. Her prayers and constant encouragement helped me so much, but I just refused to get it. It just didn't make sense to me at all. A couple of nights ago, my friend, Megan, asked me how I was doing with everything. After we talked for a bit she told me to make a list of all the things I hated about myself, then go through and cross out each one and beside it write, "I am [blank] in Christ. He loves me." I did and let me tell you, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Sitting on my bedroom floor, writing in the back of my old English notebook because it was all I could find, God changed my life again. He came in and tore apart every doubt and flaw I had, turning me into a truly forgiven person. Being told to make that list was one of the best gifts I have ever recieved and probably ever will. I finally understand what it means to be made new in Christ. I cannot put into words what it means to me. To condense it all a little more, God is not Mr. Darcy from Pride and Predjudice, when he says to Elizabeth, "My good opinion once lost is lost forever." It took me a while to figure that out.

I'll close with a verse on this snowy afternoon in Hendersonville: "For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103: 11-12. There is a Casting Crowns song based off of this verse. I really REALLY like it.

One

If someone were to ask what interests me, the part of that has been instilled with the honesty of George Washington would cry out for me to answer, "People." People interest me. As much as I would love to write about everyone I have ever encountered, I am afraid a select few will have to suffice for this post.


Monica- Monica is scared. Before she even leaves her bedroom each morning, the fear finds her. She worries about what people will think if she wears a certain outfit or does her hair a certain way. When she gets to school, she is anxious about whether or not her teacher's see her as intelligent. Later, she has a fight with her sister and is afraid that that relationship has become unfixable. She wants to be stronger, but she just doesn't see how she can be. Monica is scared.

Clay- Clay is dissatisfied. He can't get comfortable in life. His friends like to talk about the top of the world as if it does not really exist, but he will not be content until he finds it. He is constantly searching for something better, something more. He needs an answer for everything. He refuses to accept that there are some things people just aren't supposed to understand. Clay is dissatisfied.

Jessie- Jessie is spiritless. She has given up on any chance at excitement. Her days, once rarely spent without an energetic smile, are now gloomy and full of unhappiness. The beginning of her moping came when she realized that there is little to actually live for, so she mopes. She wallows in self-pity. Her life has become a slow death. Jessie is spiritless.

Tom- Tom is arrogant, and for good reason too! He has always been the best at everything. He is CEO of a major business, and has the perfect life. His wife is a knock-out and his children are at the top of their class in school. His suburban home is always has a neatly trimmed lawn and he doesn't need the help of anyone else. His wealth and position have made him sure of his own might. Tom is arrogant.

Lisa- Lisa is unworthy, or so she believes. While most would call her little short of a saint, she sees herself as a disgusting pimple on the Earth. Members of her church see the good deeds she does and applaud her, but she hates it all. She firmly believes that every bad thing she has done overshadows any selfless act she could possibly do. Lisa is unworthy.

Jenny- Jenny is broken. It seems as if every person she has ever trusted has taken dagger to her battered heart. Her father, with his angry fists and wicked words, stole her security. The boy she thought she loved thieved her innocence from her with his lies. Her best friend, the one who was supposed to be there when no one else was, shattered her ability to trust when she replaced her. Jenny is broken.

Is everybody really all that different?

Dang it.

I had entire post written for today but I accidentally deleted it. I am a bit devastated at the moment so I'm just going to post this semi-random something.

Currently...

Reading: Letters from a Sceptic by Greg Boyd. (see my post about it)
Listening to: One Thing by Finger Eleven
Writing: Letters to friends.
Preparing for: The University of Kentucky Drill Meet with MCJROTC.
Attempting to: Manage my time better.
Wearing: Auburn University rain jacket. Just so everyone remembers, they are NATIONAL CHAMPIONS.

A Bible verse for today: "For he will command his angels concerning you  to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalm 91: 11-12

Read All About It

Hey there ladies and gents! I don't have a whole lot to say right now but I just want to tell you all about a really great book I'm reading. It's called Letters from a Sceptic by Greg Boyd. It's a series of letters written between a father and son. Greg, the son, is a 14-year Christian and his father is an Atheist. The father (whose name escapes me) is writing to his son, asking him questions about his faith and His God. My own religious background may invalidate my recomendation of the book to some, but I think everyone should read it, and by everyone I mean Christians, Atheists, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, and everyone else. If you are of the Christian faith, then this book will strengthen that faith. It has mine and I'm 50 pages into it. If you are of another faith and you live in the United States then you are, more than likely, being faced with Christian beliefs and rhetoric more often than you would like. I don't like it half the time. I'm not suggesting this book to make try to turn you into a TV-evangelical-watching, Hail-Mary-saying, Amening Christian. That's not my job. I'm recomending it because 1) I have found it interesting, 2) I want you to understand what's really going on in our crazy Christians heads when we talk about Jesus, and 3) I want you to have answers to give to people when they ask you why you don't believe the same as them. I'm not trying to "save" you, as many of my label-sharing friends like to do. I live in the Bible Belt, I get it. I'm sure some of my counter parts would disagree with my last point but, frankly, I don't care. But that's not what I'm talking about right now. So, everyone go check out Letters from a Sceptic by Greg Boyd! It's fantastic :)

Here's ya a bit o' scripture: "The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

Making a list

Now that the ship of 2010 has left the harbor, I'm making a list of stuff I want to accomplish in 2011. I don't know if I would call these new years resolutions, just a few things I think would be cool to do this year.

• Participate in National Novel Writing Month.
• Run at least two half marathons and one full.
• Participate in the Warrior Dash. There is a race in Manchester, Tennessee this year, which is not too far from home! Here's a video of the midwest course.
• Spend time with friends I rarely see but are only a couple of hours away from me.
• Get my drivers liscense.
• Put guitar chords with the songs I've written so far.
• Be a better friend, sister, daughter, and student.
• Do more mission projects.
• Learn to play piano.
• Figure out my relationship with Jesus.

I have a feeling this list is going to change as the year goes on, but this is what I've got for now!

The F-word

This weekend I went on a retreat with my church that was also attended by around 1800 other youth from the Tennessee Conference of the United Methodist Church. That's not what this blog post is about, though. This post is about faith. Right now, mine is a little crazy. Because there are probably two people who actually read this thing (including me), I'll share it. I've been struggling to figure out why God would allow me, a disgusting, messed up, terrible person, into His kingdom. That question is becoming over-shadowed by another, much more distressing inquiry: Why does a God, so perfect and strong, love me? I've been trying so hard to figure it out. It just makes no sense to me at all. He has no reason to love me, and I certainly don't make it easy. Why would He put Himself through that? I've spent my entire life in the church being told that Jesus loves me. I believe He loves other people, people who haven't screwed up as much as I have. Those are good people, but I don't think I fall in that category. A part of me doesn't want Him to love me, doesn't want Him to give me that because I am so undeserving of it. I know, all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God but I just don't get it. He shouldn't love me.

Sorry if you just read that. It's not the most light-hearted thing in the world.

You've got a friend in me

Tonight is a good night. Nothing you would call spectacular happened, but it is a good night. Tonight I am writing about one of my favorite people in the world, Rachael Mogle. Rachael is a special person. She's eight years older than me but is one of my very best friends. She is probably the most loving person I've ever meet. Everything she does radiates with the love of the Lord. Oh and she's really funny too. I'm am so blessed to have her in my life, for sure.

Here's a list of a few reasons Rachael is awesome:

• The Lord's love pours out of her all the time.
• She has been through so much, yet has still come out of it all a wonderful person.
• She has such a heart for children, it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
• She puts up with me! (that takes talent!)
• She's a great writer!
• I learn from her all the time.

And the list goes on and on. This post is doing no justice to her at all. I'll have to do better next time.

A verse: "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15. I'm obsessed with this verse.

Speechless

This has been a crazy week. We haven't gone to school at all because of the snow and ice that seems to have taken over the Southeast. Our biggest snow months here are usually February or March and tomorrow will be the seventh day we've been out this school year and it's only mid-January. What the heck. Here is where the blog post will turn into something weird. I'm not really sure what it's going to be so I'm giving you warning if you don't want to keep reading.

Thursday just ran by and I'm still trying to decide if Sunday was a good day or not. You see, there have been a lot (and I mean A LOT) of changes in my church over the past several months, particularly in the youth group. We've got a new youth pastor and everything is run very differently than before. As much as I miss our old youth pastor, I think this guy was placed in Hendersonville for a reason and that God has his hand in it all. What I'm struggling with is how much things have changed over the last couple of years. I've spent my whole life as a part of that church and I sometimes wonder what I have to show for it. In Sunday School, our teacher asked if we felt like we have a "family" in church, more specifically the youth group and Sunday School class. I think she was expecting the majority of people to say yes. If anyone felt that they have that they didn't speak up. I don't. I've been with most of those kids my entire life and I don't  feel like we're more than strangers anymore. I'm not complaining about friendships growing apart, that's just part of life. What I hate is that everytime I walk into that room I feel like I'm walking in as a guest. Right now, it's where I feel like God wants me to be so I'm staying but it's just not the same place anymore. I feel like I'm trying to hold together a relationship that's long left the harbor. I hate that when I see the place I once called home my eyes and my heart see the same thing, a building. That's never what church was for me. Where ever the people of the church were, there was the church. Now it seems like no matter how hard I try, that place is no where to be found. I miss being able to walk in our youth lounge and be able to put not only a name but a memory with each face I saw. It seems like every new person who shows up has a great time but those of us who have spent our whole lives there just get a little a more miserable every week. This is the first time I've been able to think about this and it not poor out of me as anger or tears. I feel like I've been dropped off by my family and told to hitch hike the rest of the way home. You know that old saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Well, I'm hoping that's how all this will be. If nothing else comes out of this, I want to know that this brought me closer to God. I have no doubt that it will, I've just got to learn to be patient along the way.

I'm going to put a disclaimer on this that it's not the whole church, just the youth group and a lot of people love it. I'm asking you to please not judge the place by this. It raised me.
I was going to talk about the rest of the reasons why this week has been crazy but my brain is now consumed with the previous topic.

I'll leave you with a verse: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12. Yes, this was written by Paul, an imperfect mortal just like us, but every part of me wants to believe that these words came straight from the Lord. He identifies with us gross and imperfect humans. Wow what a God. That's a tangent for another night, though. Good night my friends.

All In

I've spent my entire life cheering for the tigers. I knew what "War Eagle" meant before I knew what Christmas was. Auburn University is in my blood. I started going to football games before I could count my age on my fingers. My hero, my Papa, taught me everything I know about that place. There's not a doubt in my mind that he is smiling down on Glendale, but more importantly Toomer's Corner, tonight. My Auburn Tigers are finally National Champions! When people talk about the Auburn family, they are speaking very literally. Once you are a part of it, there is no escaping. Where ever you go in the world, odds are you will come across someone who can yell "War Eagle" right back to you. Wow. I can't even tell if my sentences are making sense right now, so I'm really sorry if you're reading this. All I can say is that I am so thankful I've been raised in the family. I am truly blessed.


“…I believe in AUBURN and love it.”

A Bible verse: "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."
Exodus 15:2